Winning Ugly: Mourinho Style

Like a Wes Anderson film or a Kurt Vonnegut book, Mourinho’s teams have a distinct and recognizable style. They’re known to “park the bus” and happily take a 1-0 win. His forwards are fully expected to track back and anyone unwilling to do so will be sold (Mata’s fate) unceremoniously. Mourinho’s style has become full-blown at Chelsea where it was only nascent and semi-developed at his earlier clubs. Unsurprisingly, some scoff that it wants for aesthetic pleasure. 

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Post-Madrid Life: Tracking Di Maria and Alonso

Both left Spain this past summer with resentment toward a club that, each believed, underappreciated their contributions. For Ángel Di María, a perpetual sub, the complaint was unsurprising. But Alonso—the starting lineup fixture? The man heralded as the vision, the brain, the engine room of Real Madrid? Alonso received plenty of praise, but it may not have been enough for him relative to his teammates.

In the past several weeks, Di María has formed what appears to be a symbiotic partnership with Ander Herrera. United supporters will note that this is only of late, however. Up until recently, Di María had largely failed to deliver for his new club. He has scored only three goals and though he has the second most assists in the league, the stat is misleading. DiMaría has set up nine goals to Cesc Fàbregas’ sixteen (the Spaniard scored two goals).

It’s possible that Di María is best as a “super sub”. His late game, 20-minute stints at Real Madrid may have been the most suitable arrangement for his playing style. Di María found his niche and he may rue the day that he spurned such a role in search of something better.Striking out on your own entails risk—any band front man can attest to it. Di María’s best case scenario is a Rob Thomas. He might have a solid and respectable United career, but playing for Madrid will always be what he is remembered for, his Matchbox Twenty. It is unlikely Di María will be able to pull off a Timberlake, where the second stage of his already successful career absolutely dwarfs the first.Di María was like the encore of a concert at Real Madrid. He wasn’t the reason you bought tickets, but he was still exciting. His complaint that he was underappreciated is reasonable,but reveals that he didn’t understand his place in the squad. He was never going to make the starting XI because he didn’t have the star power.Real Madrid is in the business of wingers. If Real Madrid is a boutique, wingers are the window displays—constantly swapped for something trendier, newer and with greater massappeal. As a winger, Di María is neither trendy nor new and he lacks mass appeal. Real Madrid is the showiest club in the world and their summer acquisitions prove it. World Cup stars James and Toni Kroos were purchased as the newest galácticos for their celebrity as much as their football.

Di María was a super sub in the truest sense of the label, but that was the extent of his role.He was appreciated, but replaceable. That’s not to say he was expendable. Subs are hugely important and Real Madrid never actively sought to replace Di María with superior subs.However, he did not see himself as a sub and perhaps could not see how he shot himself in the foot by being such a superb sub. Di María was Lloyd to Real Madrid’s Ari Gold. The winger performed his unenviable job so well that it hindered his career mobility and he was refused promotion. The Argentine’s excellence in his undesirable duties actually worked to keep him mired in substitute limbo—never dropped from the roster, but never a fixture of theXI.

Questions for Alonso: who are you accusing of underappreciating you? The club? The supporters? Your teammates? The press? At Bayern Munich, Alonso’s footballing rolea ppears secondary to his modeling and promotional work for FCB. In the same spirit of allowing an actor to “direct” as a means to get him to sign on, Xabi was hired for his face as much as his feet. Like a celebrity chef endorsed cookbook or Sofia Coppola, Alonso was sought for his recognizability over his art.

Any career in the public eye can reach a point where persona grows larger than the individual and Real Madrid provided Xabi with the perfect environment to cultivate his personal brand.Look up Liverpool’s Xabi Alonso—he is worlds away from the Xabi who played in theBernabéu. The famous facial hair (which sparked the nickname La Barba Roja), the Greenwich Village style of dress, the hipster music taste—all of these elements were developed and promoted at Real. Like Nick Offerman and Jon Hamm, Alonso’s later career has been bolstered by use of a cult of personality hinging on a distinct and personal version of masculinity. He has channeled a particular brand of masculinity that is antithetical to conventional notions and it has made him appealing to men and women alike. To continue—the crossed ankle Instagrams and intellectual leaning nickname (El Profesor) are all an integral part of Xabi Alonso: the Basque speaking, cultured footballer.

The 14-15 season was the perfect time for Xabi to join Bayern and leave Madrid. Real Madrid was too mainstream for his cultivated tastes and Bayern was just the right combination of prestige and authenticity capped with a down to earth vibe. Staying at Madrid would have cut into Alonso’s credibility as a footballer of refined tastes. It is difficult for a footballer to leave Real in his thirties without appearing to have lost a step, but with Germany having just won the World Cup and Bayern taking the title in 13-14, Xabi managed to make a transfer from Madrid look like a strong career move.

At Madrid, Xabi was Cicero to the galácticos’ Caesars and Pompeys. He wanted credit and praise for his civilized skills and his depth of culture. Unfortunately scoring and flash footwork were more highly valued than tracking back and picking out a perfect pass.Alonso’s skillset was merely ancillary. He was perpetually overshadowed by his more famous teammates’ commercial endeavors, hype and glamour. And while Alonso would not prefer the spotlight to be on himself, he’d rather there not be a spotlight whatsoever. He doesnot court fame, but his criticisms of Real imply that he is resentful that figures such as Zlatan and Ronaldo receive greater recognition and louder plaudits. Xabi wants a reordering of the universe in which the things he values (and excels in) are the most highly regarded. His utopia is one where holding midfielders win the Ballon d’Or and perfectly weighted passes go viral.

Chelsea: Branding Experts First, Football Club Second

In an era of corporate branding, Chelsea has accomplished the impossible. It has successfully differentiated itself. In an attempt to remain inoffensive to all creeds and cultures, football clubs tend to inculcate an anonymous, global personality. This strategy counterintuitively alienates potential supporters. It can even backfire when would-be fans fail to develop allegiances to an entity that is so inoffensive as to be Michael Owen-bland. Someho, Chelsea has managed to standout in the milquetoast marketplace of club football.

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Gareth Bale: An Utterly, Devastatingly Open Goal

What about the Welshman has made him such an easy target for frustrated Madridistas? Is it his overwhelmingly inoffensive demeanor? Do ultras believe Bale would not defend himself with the same vehemence a more vocal Ramos or Ronaldo would? Perhaps Bale’s tentative Spanish and his wildly passé alice bands have rendered him a passive, nonthreatening scapegoat.

Whatever the reason, Bale has found himself (and his Bentley) on the receiving end of fanatical supporter outrage. A poll of eight thousand fans revealed that seventy percent wanted to see the winger dropped--a damning statistic.

Real Madrid has been in a slow, persistent struggle to regain form since the start of 2015 and the entire squad has slipped in quality. Bale, though, has received a disproportionate amount of the blame. I have two theories.

Theory 1

Bale is a fundamentally selfish player and fans are just now realizing it.

Selfishness is the most serious accusation Bale has suffered. Everyone knows that failing to pass to an open Ronaldo is the cardinal sin at Real Madrid. Ultras are having trouble squaring the bland public image Bale presents with recent, selfish shots on goal. Bale has been accused of putting himself before the team and thusly booed at home. Ultras are experiencing cognitive dissonance between what they believe about Bale and his behavior on the pitch. This is in large part due to Bale’s history of appearing to be a team player.

Bale’s career has not been characterized by Hollywood passes, unrealistic shots on goal or selfish dribbling, which makes what ought to be venial sins appear all the more grave. In many ways, Bale’s history of being a team player and his stellar assist record in 13-14 has worked against his favor. Any shot missed and even the smallest divergence from the path of selflessness and self-sacrifice draws unflattering attention, given his past of deferring to Ronaldo.

Consider for a moment that Bale has always been a selfish player. It is not unthinkable. At Spurs, Bale was the star player and as such, it is very difficult to be labeled selfish. The team’s play was crafted around Bale’s strengths and catered to his playing style. Few would not call Ronaldo selfish at this point in his career. The bottom line is: If you score, then no one will accuse you of selfishness (Mario Balotelli’s penalty is a different story).

Last season, Bale was the new kid. He deferred to the senior players as anyone with common sense would. But following the World Cup, the club flooded with new purchases and suddenly Bale was a veteran of the club. A season under his belt, a Champions League title, and a class of newbies was more than enough to assure Bale that he no longer needed to designate himself a second class citizen.

You expect selfish behavior from Suarez and Ibrahimovic, but when a player as innocuous as Bale blatantly ignores an unmarked, goal-facing teammate standing in the six-yard box, the incongruity sparks hostility. How dare Bale? i

Theory 2

Bale overperformed in 13-14.

Many expected that adjusting to a new league and language would prevent Bale from performing at his Spurs best, but he surprised everyone by improving on his Spurs form. This should not necessarily have been such a surprise. Anyone who has played tennis can attest to an opponent of superior skill’s ability to raise one’s own performance.

Think of Bale’s first season as his version of John Mayer’s Continuum. Superb early work dupes fans into overestimating the greatness of his artistry. They’ve jumped the gun in declaring his talent and now they have to face the reality of Walt Grace’s Submarine Test, January 1967.

The supporter’s relationship with Bale is somewhat Frankenstein-esque. With their adoration they’ve created a player who has bought into his own hype. And sadly, Bale is not the type of player who thrives given unmitigated love.

Bale has attempted a “Spurs star player” type goal one too many times while being a Madrid squad player. He needs to remind himself that at Madrid he is a mere chorus member. There is only one headliner and if he is open, you better pass.

Stevie G: The Lame Duck

The stamp. The red card. The return of the armband to Jordan Henderson. Steven Gerrard’s career is limping to the finish line and his many admirers around the world are turning away to spare him the embarrassment. Even the media has been respectfully ashamed on his behalf following his ejection from the match against United. Majority of the reactions expressed disbelief rather than disgust or anger.

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